Perhaps we have skipped spring this year. Erin (and her constant rodent companions) have been outside a lot, walking (yes, walking!) and on the trampoline in the backyard. Catherine and Kristine have also been basking in the beautiful weather. Although past experience tells me that there may still be snow flurries in April, it is very very hard to imagine that right now. At this rate, the Air Conditioning may need to come on in a matter of weeks! Since my view is to the west through the master bedroom windows, I can enjoy the afternoon sunshine, sunsets and the songbirds that have recently set up camp in our front spruce tree.
Putting the difficult winter behind us is a very welcome prospect. Kristine got a severe campylobacter infection in January. It would be two months before the illness, the drug reaction and the last of the complications had finally receded. Not a fun time, especially for her! Our church and close friends responded with love and grace to help her look after shopping, and other family and household needs. She missed a lot of work over the course of the worst two or three weeks, and really struggled to continue working for quite some time after.
Erin has been training her mice (I call them Ethel and Melinda) to not pee all over her. With some success, unless she or Catherine forgets to put them back in their cage when they start crossing their legs. Erin has also been busy with arts auditions for the high school she has been accepted at for the fall – for placement in music, drama and dance in grade 9.
Catherine has been fighting every possible bug over the last 3 months, missing many school days as a result. Right now, she has a real doozy of a cold, and is quite hoarse. We hope that the warmer weather will stamp out the spread of these illnesses.
I have had a hard time writing since my last disheartened post on February 3rd. Three major things required my attention… Taxes are always so much fun. Also, the main television that Kristine and the girls rely on downstairs stopped working. Fortunately, the 18 year-old TV could be repaired within a few days or so, although it took quite a group effort from our Pastor and Family and Youth Director to help move the old CRT behemoth. And finally, the main computer that Kristine and the girls rely on daily (sometimes minute by minute!) finally and suddenly went kaput! Doing without a computer over the March Break was especially hard on Catherine and Erin – the current crop of teenagers can’t live without being plugged in frequently. They used my laptop when necessary, but it wasn’t set up to do much of what was needed. It took quite a while to set up a new iMac, as it took a lot of effort from myself and Kristine to set up and restore necessary data from backups. Quite a lot of patience was required from our two girls who were ‘chomping at the bit.’ These efforts really took their toll on my energy level, even though I could only help a little bit at a time. In the end, with taxes done, our iMac all done (with no data loss, given the fortunate timing of the last backup only a day before the ‘last breath’), and the TV still limping along, we are ahead (for now). Of course, the wallet took quite a hit – I think that we need to have a significant component of our budget called “catastropic replacement.” Is it my imagination, or has the advent of newer technologies involving more electronics, computer chips, etc… over the last number of decades simply ushered in a greater incidence of failure and replacement?? Perhaps this is the price that we pay for technology and convenience….
Sometimes being so ill and fully bedbound can really get to me, and make it very difficult to write, and even to be entirely pleasant! The heavy burden of lyme neurotoxins add to the discomfort, inflammation, pain, extreme fatigue, irritability, brain fog, etc.. that already plagues me on a daily basis. I enjoy hearing from friends, but recognize that for many, family and professional priorities are all-encompassing, and that discomfort re. my condition is a wall that cannot easily be breached.
This Easter weekend we had my parents and sisters here to stay with us. Although I was very tired by the time they left earlier today, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Family is an important touchstone as I face the complications and co-infections of lyme disease. I managed to visit briefly with each family member each day that they were here. Quite an accomplishment given previous “crashes” after such expenditures of energy and such focus and stimulation. Come to think of it, I have even been able to tolerate a few visitors at once with greater ease than would have been the case a year or two ago. Friends and former colleagues Marty and Kathy from our neighbourhood, and Marg and Al from our church visited me over the last few weeks. Means a lot to me. Thank you!!
It is not always easy being positive. After years of turning the medical world upside down and dealing with doctor after doctor, and eventually ending up with treatment complications and failures, I was left to my own devices. I guess it would be easy to feel sorry for myself (sometimes I do), and blame the medical system and intransigence of North American doctors in charge of lyme disease policies (I do), and even blame God for letting me languish in bed without much medical hope (I have sometimes been down that road, too). But I am not a quitter. Kristine and I and our naturopathic doctors have left few stones unturned in seeking out alternative protocols that have been successful, and have been slowly implementing some of them, at least as far as my very very sensitive body can tolerate. And there is progress. Although I am still confined to a mostly prone position in bed, I have a bit more physical and mental stamina and my brain can process more input before it begins to “fizzle.” I spend part of each day watching good movies and TV series, although this can get rather monotonous after a while. And I do what I can on the laptop, helping others with computer questions, serving (remotely) on a vacancy committee at our church, etc… I also sleep, rest, meditate, even relax when pain and inflammation allow. Throughout my daily ups and downs I gain some measure of peace and even fulfillment by remembering that God has really not abandoned me. Although this wasn’t what I had in mind, I have faith that He will restore me to a measure of health, and that I can trust Him and rely upon Him to direct us and to provide what I need and what my family needs to see this through. I have always been encouraged by the following verse, and especially now it sums up the hope that burns within me,
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31, ESV)
Happy Easter 🙂
As you can probably guess, we no longer have our cat. She passed away on November 1st after 20 years with us. She was a great mouser. Two mice wouldn’t have survived in our yard, let alone trapped in a cage in our house. Within a month of losing the cat, Erin got it in her head that she wanted two mice (after she suggested another cat, then a dog). Erin had some conditions to fulfill first, before 2 “rodents” would be coming into our house. She had to ensure that a friend would be able to look after them when she was away for part of the summer. And she had to research costs, accessories, etc… To Erin’s credit, she quickly became an expert in mice, cages, bedding, food, and goodness knows what else. She had even named them. There was going to be a white mouse named “Scarlet” and a black mouse named “Linda”. As you can guess, Erin doesn’t believe in leaving things to fate.
Even my old cat makes me think about lyme disease.
This is a reminder to me of what was outside the window, just beyond my sight. I loved watching through the window as the snow came down outside all winter, even though many others have found the near record-breaking total snowfall to be very frustrating. With spring now, the sun shines brighter for a longer period each day, and I am pining to be able to get up and walk again, and to go outside and experience the fresh air and warmth of the sun. I guess I sound pretty nostalgic… you bet! Each spring is harder, but I am patient and determined.
Although I missed celebrating Erin’s birthday this last May, I am in fact doing a little better these days. At this point, my goal is to be able to be out of bed and downstairs on Christmas Day (2007 that is!). Lyme disease has taken enough of my life and that of my family. Being stuck in bed is fun for the first day, but as of October 8, 2007 it will be one full year (with the exception of brief periods in Dec. 2006 through Feb. 2007 when I was able to be up). I will beat this! 🙂
It has been a very difficult fall for me with David so very sick. I often felt depressed and angry. It wasn’t supposed to go this way in my mind! David was supposed to be almost better, and though we had all changed and grown through the experience, life was supposed to get back on track now. Well, it didn’t go that way. He suffered so intensely and there was so little anyone could do. I was exhausted and I am told I looked ‘gaunt’. I wondered why so many peoples’ prayers seemed to be bouncing off the ceiling.