Looking both ways

This past week I have been reflecting back on the last decade. Lots of highs, especially in the early years. And lots of very trying times since 2004. Looking back in time gives rise to mixed feelings. Good memories. Regrets. Joys. Sorrows. And a rude introduction to lyme disease and the profound ways that lives can be changed in the blink of an eye.

The past decade

Family Photo 00

The year was 2000. I was a Vice-Principal at Woburn Collegiate Institute in the Toronto District School Board. By 2001 I was at Cedarbrae C.I. when, on September 11, 2001, the unthinkable happened. The next morning I led a spontaneous memorial with many students and staff around the flagpole. The Vice-Principal role brought lots of interactions with students (often relating to attendance or discipline issues). Also lots of time and effort organizing and implementing exam schedules, school timetabling, staffing, teacher evaluations, curriculum reviews, school planning, etc… These were very challenging years, but necessary and formative. Lots of good memories.

Kristine and I were busy with two young daughters. Frenetic doesn’t begin to describe our lives at that point! I well remember when Erin first went to school. She was so terrified that she wouldn’t let go of the flagpole and go inside. Now she is 13 and doesn’t tend to cling as much anymore. In fact she loves school (I can almost hear a ‘groan’ in the background). Catherine loved primary school and thrived on reading and other creative endeavours. Some of their early work at school, etc… is still posted on our old family web site. The girls have certainly grown up, and have even adapted as my health and other family circumstances have changed. We are so proud of both of our girls.

The summer of 2003 was a time to remember. I had just been promoted to Principal and was beginning in a new school. Normally, the summer would be consumed with preparations for this monumental responsibility. Kristine, Catherine, Erin and I had made plans to travel around the Maritime provinces, camping in a variety of settings. What a trip!! PEI, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia (especially Cape Breton Island), and Newfoundland were fabulous. Whale watching, boat trips, icebergs, dunes, gorgeous scenery, hiking, …. Lots of memories.

2004 was to be a year that changed our lives completely. Northwestern and Northern Ontario had always held a special allure. A three week trip was to consist primarily of camping, along with a brief hotel stay, and staying at a Bed and Breakfast run by a Cree couple in Moosonee. Our journey took us to Sudbury, Sault Ste. Marie, Lake Superior Provincial Park, Pukaskwa National Park, Sleeping Giant Provincial Park, Thunder Bay, Cochrane, Moosonee and Moose Factory. Two train trips on the Algoma Canyon tour and the Polar Bear Express to Moosonee were very exciting, especially for the girls. Unfortunately, it was at our first campsite just northwest of Sudbury that I had an encounter with ticks. Ticks infected by borrelia burgdorferi, and a variety of other co-infections. The problem is that ticks are incredibly tiny, and Canadians have been lulled into a false sense of complacency through lack of information about the threat of tick-borne illnesses. So I didn’t know I had been bitten, and carried on as if nothing had happened. But noticeable symptoms started to progress, and I even got a huge, puzzling “bruise” on my left foot. By the end of the trip I was a basket case, with significant fatigue, brain fog, severe headache, joint problems, memory problems, etc… And it would get a lot worse before long.

Doctors couldn’t make any sense of my complicated symptoms. And I saw many of them. I was tested for everything under the sun, including MS and ALS. I had to stop working by the end of October, 2004, just as my second year as Secondary School Principal had begun. I got worse and worse, and saw doctor after doctor. Finally, in the fall of 2005 lyme disease was recognized and treatment began. The lyme was so entrenched that high dose antibiotics took a while to really begin to make a dent. By the summer of 2006, I had improved enough that I was even talking about possibly being able to return to work on a limited basis by 2007. But things took a very bad turn, and I became bedridden. My treatment regimen was changed a few times, but each time, my liver became more and more affected. And since the onset of the infection, I had been experiencing severe food, drug and chemical sensitivities. This had a major impact on my diet, ability to tolerate scents and other chemicals such as ink, detergent, etc… This also made it very difficult to tolerate any pharmaceuticals, and even many supplements (and even Vitamin C). As my doctor used to say, “If side effects are rare, David Leggett will be the one to experience them!”

Throughout all of this, Kristine (with some assistance from the girls) was integral in looking after me. She really did take the “for better or for worse” part seriously! The love and support from Kristine, Catherine and Erin have been so important. Kristine had to continue working, to generate income and also to give her an outlet for professional growth and development. In fact, she was promoted to Nursing Practice Leader soon after I became ill, and has thrived in the role. Catherine has gone through Middle School and is now in a secondary school focussing on the arts. Music has played an important role for both girls. Both play the flute – we keep trying to convince them to perform a flute duet at home or at church.

My own health went into a complete tailspin in the late winter/early spring of 2007. As if being bedbound wasn’t enough, the last try on an antibiotic regimen failed and left my liver and my health in a perilous state. Since that very trying time, we have used alternative therapies to begin to stabilize my health and address the lyme disease and co-infections. Without much medical help, I might add, since the majority of medical doctors do not have the expertise and will to deal with lyme patients.

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This past year (2009) has been eventful for all of us. Kristine has really grown into her own at the hospital. Erin finished grade 7 and began grade 8. Preparations for applying to high schools began in earnest (with a fair bit of hand-wringing at first). She has really improved on the piano and flute, and is doing well at school. Catherine is in grade 11 and is really enjoying her courses, especially anthropology and sociology, music and dance. Both girls play the flute in their school bands.

I had the opportunity this fall to be interviewed by the CTV W5 current affairs show for a half-hour segment on lyme disease. The hours with the producer and the four hours with Paula Todd on camera took an awful lot out of me. Not to mention the aftermath, as many concerned people contacted me with offers of support, help, advice. Hopefully this show raised the level of awareness of lyme disease in Canada. The picture to the left was taken on Christmas Day, 2009. I can’t participate in the world that everyone else lives in, so everyone comes to me!

The year to come

Goals are a tricky thing for me, since they can usually be accomplished through skill, focus and effort. Hopes and dreams are probably more accurate for me at this point.

My goals involve doing whatever I can to improve my immune system, and to continue addressing the lyme disease and co-infections… Anything else would be gravy 🙂

My hope would be that friends and even family who are uncomfortable with my illness would feel more at ease. And that the nation as a whole would wake up and reach the tipping point, leading to a public and medical discourse that acknowledges tick-borne diseases and their escalation across North America. And…… that I would be able to walk again without fatigue!

Reactions to W5 Lyme show

Can’t say that it was easy. I’ve never been much of one for television exposure, especially now that I look like a beanstalk! Since I have been bedridden for 3 years now, I haven’t been able to stand in front of a full-length mirror and take it all in. Given how I looked on W5, I can’t say that I have been missing very much 😉

To be honest, I have mixed feelings about the show. I am sure that part of my reaction is coloured by the strong emotions which welled up in me as the full reality of my condition broke through the protective wall that I had gradually built up in order to cope with the disappointments, treatment failures, lack of a supervising lyme-literate doctor, and the slow progress with alternative methods.

Following is a slightly modified version of an email I sent to CTV to provide feedback on the show.

To CTV — Thank you for shedding some light on my case of lyme disease. Multiply my case times 10,000 and one probably gets the number of Canadians infected anew each year. The problem with lyme disease is that once one gets ill, one spends all of the time and energy scrambling to find a doctor, a cause, a positive test, a treatment, a cure, not to mention the need for cash to finance all of these “non-sanctioned” endeavours. Any “extra” time and energy is spent fighting doctors, insurance companies, public health policies, governments. There is nothing left over for mounting a P.R. campaign. The result is that myriads of people with lyme disease are too sick to properly advocate for themselves and publicize the risk far and wide. This coupled with extremely weak public health and medical prevention, recognition and treatment, means that Canadians are ripe for the picking (or biting…).

Having said all of this, CTV W5 has begun with the first step. I urge W5 (and CTV in general) to dig even deeper. There are many tens of thousands of Canadians who are experiencing a wide range of lyme symptoms. Many do not know what is going on, and their doctors are not usually much help. I got a facebook email today from a man who saw the W5 show, and searched for me on facebook. He sent a desperate plea for help. He heard his symptoms described during the show. So far, no one has been able to identify what is wrong with him, nor help him. Although I didn’t mention it during the interviews with Paula Todd, there are others in my extended family who are ill with lyme disease… And many other friends, acquaintances and friends of friends are waging the same war. We don’t show up in the statistics and we feel powerless to advocate for ourselves – every attempt to do so is blocked by political indifference, medical indifference, media confusion about an extremely complex and multi-system illness, etc…

So… digging deeper would mean news shows on specific topics such as

  1. Testing (why have they abandoned our two-tier testing regimen in Europe where lyme is generally dealt with swiftly and competently? what is the true evidence for and against the two-tier system? how would the statistics be affected if we moved to a more enlightened and honest test for lyme disease?)
  2. PHAC (public health agency of Canada) and their role in lyme policies across the nation
  3. How provincial health ministries are dropping the ball and what needs to be done to pick it up and run with it.
  4. More stories from Canadians. Some are as sick as I am (or worse), but MANY look OK on the outside, but are barely functional and often not able to work.
  5. Doctors – afraid to diagnose, treat, even mention lyme disease to a patient. And some get extremely angry when lyme is mentioned, as if the greatest medical quackery that has ever existed is being proposed by the patient.
  6. Colleges of Physicians and Surgeons – they are enforcing an orthodoxy that doesn’t make sense, that has been proven wrong, that is harming Canadians, and results in the few doctors who do try to help being persecuted, harassed and even facing suspension and license removal.
  7. Insurance Companies. Right now there is an open season on Canadians with lyme disease. Insurance companies use the uncertainties and controversies (as well as Canada’s adoption of IDSA-style guidelines which do not recognize chronic lyme disease) to deny claims to continue with life insurance, get necessary medical equipment through extended health policies, deny claims for Long Term Disability, etc…). I myself am having significant trouble getting a hospital bed (I have been bedridden for over 3 years), my life insurer tried to terminate my life insurance policy due to my lyme diagnosis and long term disability status, and my LTD insurer tried to paint me as a psychiatric case to force me back to work even when I was clearly unable to.
  8. Tick surveillance – Canada generally has passive surveillance for lyme-infected ticks. There is no PROACTIVE scientific method for identifying densities of lyme-infected tick populations. As a result, public health agencies and health ministries have only a general idea where the risks are currently highest. And what about other disease-carrying vectors? Current research is indicating that ticks may not be the only carrier of lyme borrelia and other major co-infections.
  9. ?

There is so much more here. Thank you so much for a good beginning. CTV…Please don’t stop there.

Summer reflections

IMG_1110.JPG Time flies! Summer was always my favourite time, as I wrapped up my school, ensured that timetables, programs and facilities were ready for the fall, and said good-bye to my staff as they left in stages through early-mid July. Then came the barbeques, golf, the family camping trips, visits to family cottages, and the inevitable return to school mid-August to oversee final preparations to greet students sporting a new polish and shine.

Certainly many things have changed over the past five years! Kristine has been a Mental Health Nursing Practice Leader for over four years, and has been very successful in her role. Catherine is turning 17 this winter and is really enjoying her time at the arts-focussed school. Erin is a proud senior in grade 8 at middle school. As a newly minted teenager, her opinions are seldom unheard and more vibrant than ever 🙂

IMG_1080.JPGThis summer has seen a lot of activity come and go, in spite of my daily needs for attention and care. Erin and Catherine spent about a week or so with each set of grandparents, and even got to see their cousins (Craig’s girls) for almost a week. Devil Lake was never so frenetic! Kristine even got to spend a few days there with her parents and our girls. Catherine spent a month at Ontario Pioneer Camp as part of the Leadership Training program. Erin was at Pioneer Girls’ Camp for two weeks. Both girls had a wonderful time!

Although it pains me at times to talk about it too much, lyme disease has been difficult – any which way you look at it. Being bedbound confines me to a virtual prison. I get to hear about the world and even see it through my window, and that has to be enough for the foreseeable future. Being this way also makes a lot of friends and family feel physically and emotionally awkward. What does one say? Reminders of healthier and more active times aren’t easy for others (nor for me), and often constitute unwelcome intrusions into a life that doesn’t handle the mortal limitations and “surprises” that are part of the human condition. And a bit of a downer to see me like this.

For me, the good news is that I have found ways to be useful, especially given the wireless connection over my laptop mac. This blog is one of them – I even dabble a bit with twitter and facebook. Other computer “projects” include keeping the family organized (iCal, OmniFocus, EagleFiler, Circus Ponies NoteBook, Punakea), keeping up with extended family and world news (Mail, Safari, NetNewsWire), converting analog audio/video family archives to digital, organizing digital photos (iPhoto), working on family history/genealogy (need family input!), etc… The limiting factor each day is the profound cellular fatigue which constrains my every movement and portions out only very limited energy at a time. Managing this extremely low energy ceiling is part of every day life. Embracing the challenges seems a lot more useful than moping about it all. I would like to write a blog series on my experience with lyme disease, although I am not sure that many readers would welcome such a personal story and frank assessment of one of the most serious and exploding health issues that we face today. It is quite likely that about 200,000 Americans and 10,000 Canadians are infected each year by the bacteria causing lyme disease (see the Canadian Lyme Disease Foundation ), but this remains largely hidden due to the insurance and medical lobbies and control over the flow of information, a political policy vacuum, inadequate and very misleading official Canadian testing, and a general reticence to tackle such a silent and complex debilitator. It has been quite a journey, from the initial medical confusion, to the inability to lead a school any more, to the long-term treatment failures, to the condition I face now, to the ongoing struggle as we have sought out alternatives that are credible and have helped others.

I look forward to progress along the health front, and memorable times for our family this fall. Maybe I can even find it within me to laugh for no reason at all.

As Norm Papernick said,

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.

“Under Our Skin” in New York City theatres

The New York Times review of the Lyme disease documentary “Under Our Skin” isn’t too bad, considering the huge controversy that Lyme disease has become as doctors, insurance companies, lobbyists and those suffering with the disease all jockey for position. The review begins by describing the documentary as “inflammatory.” Well….. I guess in some ways it is, but as a victim myself, I see it more as a cry for help. Lyme disease is so complex and debilitating that there are essentially two types of people. Victims and their close family and friends, and… everyone else. The first group get it. When I first saw the lengthy preview for “Under Our Skin” everything made perfect sense. I could see myself in their place, and understood every feeling and frustration and roadblock that the victims portrayed in the film experienced.

It appears to me that the reviewer, Stephen Holden, although well-intentioned, doesn’t really get it. To be honest, the “media” doesn’t usually, and when they do, they don’t often stick their necks out. The Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) puts a very high premium on tight-lipped orthodoxy, and maintains it with periodic edicts and journal articles, especially when the heat is turned up. Any changes in practice that would provide more support to victims of Lyme disease and increase the likelihood of early diagnosis and appropriate treatment would compromise the positions of many in their ranks who have conflicts of interest – see Connecticut Attorney General’s Office 2008 Press Release – or who may not like to admit that they could well have always been wrong (professional “ego” ??). Getting back to my point, Stephen Holden’s review is a well-written summary that doesn’t really take sides, in the spirit of objective journalism, I guess. I am not so sure that it will make the public flock to see it, though. Most media personnel (and the general public) just cannot fathom that so many people could be at risk of a mysterious disease that masquerades as so many other medical conditions, is difficult to detect, and is virtually impossible to successfully treat. If I didn’t live it every day, I would be perplexed by the “medical mysteries” portrayed in the film, and might well stay away from such a film that doesn’t appear to have anything to do with me, and is essentially a “downer,” even if it has won numerous international awards. In short, disease is depressing.

So, what is the answer? Personally, I think that everyone should see this documentary. Lyme disease is an ever-increasing public health threat that likely infects about 200,000 Americans and 10,000 Canadians each year (not to mention tens of thousands across Europe, etc….). Official numbers (especially in Canada) reflect poor diagnostic knowledge and criteria, testing practices that haven’t been deemed reliable for years, the lack of medical and political will, and willful blindness that something so grave could be wreaking havoc right under our noses. So the answer lies in reaching the critical tipping point. Reviews in the New York Times are a great beginning. So, too, is the appearance of the film in New York theatres. Whether or not it is a passing fancy or grabs people will be determined in part by followup coverage, by word-of-mouth, and by the advocacy of a small but growing “lyme-aware” group of victims, along with their families and friends.

Let’s reach that tipping point.

Good to see two old friends

Jeff & ChrisI had a great time this afternoon seeing Chris and Jeff. They drove up from Ottawa this morning to see their old high school buddy (me!). Between cracking jokes and reliving old memories, the time went by too quickly… it is great to keep in touch, after too many years of neglecting friendships on my part. And speaking of “old” friends, the topic of conversation ventured into the aging territory. Like – you know you are in your forties when all the little signs of aging begin to noticeably accelerate! If you don’t know what I mean, enjoy being 29 for as long as you can! Chris is planning for his next marathon run and Jeff is enjoying increasing success in business and looking forward to summer activities with his boys. As for me, I look forward – as best as I am able given the health challenges that I face – to future visits and little things to keep my mind active, like blogging, watching tv (mind active??), following world news, etc… Have a safe trip home, Chris and Jeff – nice to see you.

Lyme Disease: Canadian national media takes notice

CBC and CTV have each produced news reports, which were aired on June 8th (see links below). So….. the national media in Canada is showing an interest in the lyme disease narrative….. While this does not reach the threshold of a tipping point, it is a beginning. Everyone is paying attention since we are entering prime tick season and Canadians are planning their camping trips and general outdoor activities for the summer. As well, more and more people know someone whose life has been seriously affected by lyme disease. And now that the national media has taken notice, stories can be told – this is one of those rare times when lyme sufferers have a captive audience. The stories being told are putting real people in front of the camera, and are accompanied by news reports with increasingly accurate descriptions of lyme symptoms, treatment challenges, and the widespread areas of the country affected by lyme-infected ticks. And even though I haven’t been featured in these videos, I have commented (see user david44 in the CBC news report comments) along with many others. Let’s make CBC and CTV sit up and realize that there is a groundswell of support for publicizing lyme disease issues and doing something about one of the biggest health care threats to ever hit our nation!

How can each person help?

  • Comment on the CTV and CBC reports – let’s set the stage for round 2 of national news coverage!
  • Write (or email) your provincial member of parliament – they are responsible for health policy, and can influence Public Health decisions
  • Write (or email) your federal MP – they are responsible for the Public Health Agency of Canada (and the federal testing laboratory in Winnipeg)
  • Check out the best Canadian source for online lyme disease news and information – Canadian Lyme Disease Foundation
  • For Ontario residents, check out the Lyme Action Group – news, information, petition, interaction with an active lyme community

There are many thousands of Canadians who deal with lyme disease each year, and this number is increasing. Lyme has been called the hidden tsunami. The time for being ignored is coming to an end. With the help of families, friends and concerned Canadians we can now be part of a critical mass of public “persuasion” regarding the unchecked spread of lyme disease, and the lack of recognition by the medical and political establishments.

Links

CTV News video

CTV Full Report (article & comments)

CBC News video

CBC Full Report (article & comments)